Ree’s musings

Two weeks of Islam are complete. This means I permit myself to jabber from the Principia Discordia:

There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but the Erisian Movement and it is the Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corp is the home to a beloved Golden Worm.

Which is unhelpful to have running through your head the entire time you're studying a chapter subtitled "There is no God but God," and is therefore exactly where my brain went.

My brother tore me away from my cave to go pawn shopping and I found the movie I need to watch for class in April, which the video store threw out for being "old" (my ass -- it has Brad Pitt for godssakes) and the public library has misplaced. Score! No more lipbiting over where I'll find the darned thing when I need it. And there was a discount in bulk so I added Angelina Jolie and Heath Ledger to the pile. Which is a very tasty mental image, actually. Mm, Brangeledger.

Brain is fuzzy. Both brothers are on spring break and visiting whilst I should be studying Hinduism and the age of nationalism and nobody's getting anything done, of course. I love them but they are loud, and I would very much like them to be significantly less loud.

I've been trying to work out my little planet on the side, but I keep realising things that "dammit, copper's a conductor so the whole migration thing doesn't work" and "I'm pretty sure that combination of gases is highly flammable so I can't have that and fire" and "how would solid vs. liquid core affect planetary movement, anyway?" I don't bloody well know. And I still don't know what colour the sun is or what colour the sky would be, because I suck at this kind of thing. *headdesk*

I did figure out some methods of replacing underscores with spaces and spaces with underscores, which makes me very happy. I just need to work out a web of replacement arrays, insert my little string replacement accordingly, and then life will be shiny.

Being hailed. Dunno who made me computer guru but they should have looked harder.

No spoilers. Just... why did no-one warn me of the crack this show is smoking? There's been an abrupt WTF and my brain is leaking out my ears. I ought to swear off anime; it's all crackheaded.

*denies taking joy in ridiculous joke titles*

Heh.

I'm getting somewhere! Yay! My religions instructor knocked another essay off the agenda and I got through my history exam somehow. As of this moment, I think I'm no further behind than I usually am on a Wednesday. Which leaves me in not the greatest of spots, but it's stuff I know I can handle. For a while there, I was getting bug-eyed with stress.

Wow. I have the most repetitive comma style ever. *shoots it dead*

And wow again. I keep trying to say more and it keeps devolving into "Argh! Grr! Peh!" Frustration abounds, apparently. This is what happens when I try to cut back on the caff: Ree smash! I'm mature like that.

As an aside, it's fun seeing web professionals, people who build websites for a living, cut down the software I dislike and suggest the stuff I like as replacement. It makes me feel like I'm picking up on the right cues and making sound choices for my own stuff. Feels nice.

There have been "to do" lists flying around, so I figured I'd point out listfoo. I had been keeping a pen and paper checklist for each class until the site opened; now I keep each list there, and take undue pleasure in clicking the big green check that crosses it off. The UI is all slick and fun.

Which reminds me. One day I'll clean up my MoonBurnt to do list (which is on listfoo, of course) and make that public, but right now it's full of "get this the **** done dammit!" and "do this, unless it's asshatted, in which case do something else." No doubt it's amusing but I'd much rather hide the thing until it's presentable. And containing more strikeouts.

Having lists hasn't made me more productive, alas, just more aware of my skiving. However, I maintain that I'm not slacking right now on the grounds that I am barely awake enough to tie my shoes -- no, really, it took me two tries to grasp the laces -- and therefore unable to do classwork properly, while at the same time being in rather decent shape to dive to the bottom of my email inbox again.

Babbling. Right, so back to the mail morass.

(Five oh, baby! Here's to fifty more.)

You really think it's fair of you to give
Me all your broken things? Your dents and scrapes,
Your mislaid maps, your plans to scale the peaks
Of hills and worlds? I don't think that I do.

The serpent sheds its skin and lets it lay
Where'er it fall, but you give yours to me
And wait for thanks to meet your ears. Hail you,
Who gifts me damaged goods that you throw out!

I pine for younger days, when we were green
Instead of jaded, but I can't accept
These shards of who you were. As you outgrew
Both them and me, so I have outgrown too.

Please grant that I myself may seek and find
Maturity and life of my own kind.

(Inspired by a friend's journal post, though the feelings expressed within the poem are fictionalised and do not match my own. I'm a hoarder; I tend to love being given most anything.)

For many patients such as myself, one noticeable sign that thyroid levels are getting too high and dosages may need to be adjusted is the onset of bone-numbing fatigue. This sign of hypothyroidism often comes on suddenly, and leaves you barely able to lift your head off the pillow in the morning. You may feel like you can't get through a day without a nap, or you sleep more than usual but still feel exhausted. This fatigue, frequently seen along with other symptoms you'll find on my Hypothyroidism Symptoms Checklist, can be a sign that your hypothyroidism is undertreated.

So that's what this is then? Fanfuckingtastic. Fabulous wording, though -- "bone-numbing fatigue" is pretty much it in a nutshell. I feel like shit on a stick. Damn neck gland was about due for a recheck anyway, but still.

My brain is fuzzier than a dust bunny.

My history class has caught up with Lenin. I completely fail to grasp the discussion about his methods.

I haven't even glanced at my other coursework since Tuesday. Unless taking a BBC Religion & Ethics Superquiz counts, even tangentially? No? Well damn.

SciFi Channel picked up Doctor Who. I used to watch the old Doctor Who series with my dad when I was small and liked it a lot. When the new Who began running in Britain, I held my breath and hoped. I haven't yet seen any of the 9th Doctor onward, wanting to view it without resorting to illegal downloading. And the SciFi premiere is airing right now while I try to cram communism into my cranium.

Today? Not a good day. *withers*

Doctor Who reran on Sunday night. I watched. I loved. At some point during a family dinner, I even shut up about it long enough to take a few bites; otherwise I was all "TARDIS blah blah police box blah blah sonic screwdriver blah long history blah blah OMG love."

There is something about the Ninth Doctor that reminds me of my father. Usually when I say that, I mean it as an insult. (He and I have a complex relationship where one day I miss him and bawl, and the next I want to punch him in the face.) This is different. I can't put my finger on the similarity. It's not the same smile, really, but perhaps a similar mood behind it. Or the way they both recline, rigid and loose all at once.

There's also the fact that when I was very young, my dad would watch a bunch of British programming on PBS and I'd watch too. The only programme name I recall is Doctor Who, though I don't even know which Doctor(s) would have been the one(s) I saw -- and the newer series puts a new spin on it anyway. Wonder if Dad knows about the new series? I dunno if he gets Scifi Channel... though I do have a working VCR for a change and the first episodes on tape. Now there's something to mull over, something my father and I could share.

Piss, I have a Hinduism essay due tonight! Completely forgot. Again. And discussion -- ah, hell, I've lost points by not joining in yesterday. This sleeping more often than being awake is killing any semblance of responsibility I ever had. How vexing.

My moods lately remind me of a favourite childhood pasttime. I, being daft, would climb onto the roof of the house, throwing myself past gables with enough force that I wouldn't fall before grabbing the opposite side. I kept my feet bare so I could feel out each foothold (and skin my soles when I lost my balance).

I was a daft child. Anyway.

I'm hanging on, emotionally. Clinging for dear sanity and feeling my heart drop each time a finger slips, but I haven't fallen yet. Brick by smooth-faced brick, I'm progressing back to my former position at the peak. I'm doing it the stupid way, without ladders or safety nets or even shoes, but this has always been my way of doing whatever I end up doing.

I'm embarrassed that I'm still so vulnerable. One week of disrupting my schedule and I'm still recovering weeks later; "high maintenance" does not begin to cover the ridiculousness of this fragility. However, a different Ree would have collapsed under this minute strain and plummetted. Instead I realised what was happening, dug in my heels, and started climbing back where I wanted to be. This is progress, even if it's not as much progress as I'd like.

The revolution in physics beckons, by which I mean it stands in my doorway and sniffs snottily while pretending to check the time every two minutes. Revolutions are rude like that. Time to continue this week's readings.

Please refrain from bringing your religion into the classroom. I have no problem with anyone practicing and living their faith. However, the assignment was to discuss a specific pope's political stance. You opted instead to lambast the Catholic Church as a whole and to loudly proclaim that everyone should regularly attend church (presumably Protestant). That means that if I ever meet you, I need give you Cthulhu tracts and a copy of the Principia Discordia, and then watch your brain dribble out your ears.

Say something on-topic or shut up already.

-- Ree

I whinge about my classmates a lot. Not today. Today I checked into class and found myself complimented for pointing out that Christian values are not the same thing as ethics. People, I got a "bravo" even.

Rock.

I also got to speak with a grandma at my church and help her with a minor problem. Her grandson has been scared to sleep at night for fear of monsters. He already watches some VeggieTales videos, so I told her to find the first tape, the one with the "God is the bigger than the Boogeyman" song. It's a nifty episode -- points out that the movie monsters can't hurt you and they're really just actors in makeup (well, or CGI) and stuff like that. And now the song is embedded in my brain. "So when I'm lying in my bed / And the furniture starts creeping / I'll just laugh and say 'Hey, cut that out!' and get back to my sleeping!"

I like helping people. It feels wonderful, like thick, hot stew on a miserably chilly day.

Must take history quiz tonight and then it's time to read about my favourite religion: Jainism!

I have almost 1,000 tracks on WinAmp. Out of this vast number and just as I made my daily trek to Narbonic, it started into "She Blinded Me With Science."

Sweet. If the rest of my evening goes half as keen, I'll be quite pleased.

Now it's time to kick some posting ass (namely mine).

Ganked from las Xangans.

The Rules:
1. You can only say YES or NO!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments to the entry and asks

Taken a picture naked? No

Made out with a member of the same sex? No

Danced in front of your mirror? Yes

Told a lie? Yes

Gotten in a car with people you just met? Yes

Been in a fist fight? No

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes

Been arrested? No

Left your house without telling your parents? Yes

Ditched school to do something more fun? No

Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes

Seen someone die? No

Kissed a picture? Yes

Slept in until 3? Yes

Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes

Played dress up? Yes

Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes

Felt an earthquake? No

Touched a snake? Yes

Ran a red light? Yes

Had detention? Hell yes!

Been in a car accident? Yes

Pole danced? No

Been lost? Yes

Sang karaoke? Yes

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes

Kissed in the rain? No

Sang in the shower? Yes

Got your tongue stuck to a pole? Yes

Ever gone to school partially naked? No

Sat on a roof top? Yes

Played chicken? No

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No

Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? Yes

Broken a bone? No

Mooned/flashed someone? No

Forgotten someone's name? Yes

Slept naked? Yes

Blacked out from drinking? No

Played a prank on someone? Yes

Felt like killing someone? Yes

Made a parent cry? Yes

Cried over someone? Yes

Had sex more than 5 times in one day? No

Had/Have a dog? Yes

Been in a band? No

Drank 25 sodas in a day....aka POP? Yes

Shot a gun? Yes

A local sale has left me with new, subtly scented jar candles. They smell like the best parts of a bake sale and have lids to contain smoke when extinguished, instead of annoying the smoke detector.

The best part is that a slick lighter was marked down too. It works about the same as a standard safety lighter, but lets me keep my fingers further from the flame -- perfect for lighting a half-gone jar candle. I think it's a sign.