Ree’s musings

Busy day today.

I played Dance Dance Revolution. In public. It was awesome and I find myself needing a home game containing some version of "Butterfly" - preferably not the speed mix I pounded my feet to today, but some other version.

I paid $3 for a secondhand Atari joystick game, one of those self-contained jobs that just needs batteries and a television. I knew there was a chance it would be a model containing Adventure, and a chance that it would not. Turns out mine has Adventure. (The bat in Adventure is as annoying as ever, but he didn't stop me from returning the Enchanted Chalice to the Golden Castle. Thrice.)

I saw a video game today priced at $39.99. I already own a copy, purchased a few days ago for $9. I could sell it, unsealed, for $30 or more.

Basically I totally win today. Now to bid on that perfectly perfect video game console set, in hope that my streak continues!

I think that every line I write
Must be the opposite of bright.
I'm not sure why; perhaps that I
Have loaded up my brains with stuff.

(The subverted rhyme relies on non-American pronunciation. No, I'm afraid I'm not particularly sorry about it.)

Roy asked, "Out of curiosity, for those of you are still using Tabulas ... why?"

Maybe I'm taking the question more seriously than it was meant, but my immediate reaction was that I should think about this. I'll try to give a considered answer.

I initially began using Tabulas as a way to crosspost to LiveJournal and Xanga. Semagic wasn't a good option for me because I wasn't always using the same computer, but a web-based crossposter was perfect. Unfortunately, Xanga never appreciated crossposting and often made changes that broke crossposting to Xanga. I've long since given up on posting to Xanga, although I continue to crosspost most of my entries to LJ. The majority of my blog comments are made on my LJ crossposts, no contest, which is why I continue to make them. But back to Tabulas.

I like Tabulas because it's sort of self-contained. Want to edit the CSS of your layout? Sure, go ahead; you don't need any offsite web host for that. Want to show off pictures of your last party? Go ahead and use your own personal gallery; it's there and it's free. Blogroll? Just add the bookmarklet to your browser and click it when viewing your friends' sites. They don't even need to be on Tabulas and you don't need to know any HTML. Profile page? It's part of your personal site and uses your chosen template, unlike profile pages on LiveJournal or Blogger.

When I use LiveJournal, I feel like I've been given permission to use a fixed area: no content pages, no image upload unless I pony up, ads all over, my profile in the site's layout rather than mine. On LJ, I must do things LJ's way. Meanwhile, my Tabulas feels like freedom: to design, expand, and rearrange just as I like, with a minimum of exceptions (I must always leave the grey navigation bar visible and usable, which is exactly the way I want it anyway; it's half the size of LJ's equivalent and at least twice as useful). Don't use the gallery? Then remove the link to it. Want your blogroll on its own page instead of your sidebar? Easy as pie. LiveJournal wishes it had that feature!

I also like helping the Tabulas community. I figure megalithic sites like LiveJournal have a wide user base and any number of experienced Support volunteers sharing their knowledge, but Tabulas, being smaller, has fewer experienced users to assist, and I seem to be one of them.

For example, I've sort of slipped into the role of wiki moderator. Why? Because the spam was getting a little crazy and someone needed to keep it under control, or it would start to reflect badly on Tabulas and make it hard to find real information. Wikis make it easy to revert spam, but nobody else has done it yet. So I did.

And, well, all the improvements that have been going up lately and are still to come! Communities, template sharing, interests, user directory, filtering for friends-only entries... I'm just pulling these out of posts on my friends' page rather than looking for anything in particular. But this? This is what happens when Tabulas brushes its teeth, combs its hair, and starts picking out the perfect dress shirt. This is Tabulas pulling itself together.

I wouldn't dare miss it.

My mother.

I don't know where to begin to describe her. She's a lofty example to aspire to: an excellent cook; a careful, safe driver; the best mother I could have.

I mean that, though I'm not sure she quite believes me. There are other mothers who are better equipped to handle a child who is profoundly disabled, or to help a child discover disparate parts of their racial identity, or shield a child against paparazzi. But I am not any of those children. I don't need those particular protections. For who I am, I could not ask for a better mother. I would want no other mother.

She has embraced me when I was at my lowest ebbs and cheered me on toward my highest peaks. Somehow she still loves me, despite knowing me better than anyone else knows. I live in awe of her selflessness and compassion. She's more than just the best mother I could have: she is also my friend, one whom I prize.

There is not an inch of my skin that is not written with my mother's genes, not a memory in my head that is not somehow shaped by the way my mother raised me, and I know that I am much improved for it. If I am sometimes petty or cruel, it is in spite of her teaching and her example; she raised to me know better, although I sometimes shamefully ignore that. And if I am occassionally caring, diligent, or generous, it is because my mother taught it to me.

If girls learn to mother from their mothers, then I know that I would be a strong, loving mother. Following her example could achieve no less.

If I thought it would make my mother happy to hear me yelling her praises from the rooftops, I would do it even now, at three in the morning in the pouring rain and pounding thunder. My mother did teach me to be sensible, however; if I must yell, I will wait for a saner hour and a drier roof.

I wish that I could write her a poem declaring the wonder I feel for her, something beautiful and rhythmic and worthy of her. But my poetic talent is insufficient. Anything I write would not be good enough to adequately convey the way I feel. Even as I write this piece, I keenly feel its flaws, but I hope it conveys what I mean regardless.

Someday, Mom, I will get things collated into that poem you deserve. In lieu of that, you have my endless admiration.

I love you, Mom. Thank you so much for being Mom.